


a stranger's game

by ferrisbvevo



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everybody is Real Babey, Angst, Bubby/Dr. Coomer may come up in the bg!!!, Gordon has trauma, M/M, Post-Canon, Will add more tags when they r needed, idk man ive never written a fic before aaaa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferrisbvevo/pseuds/ferrisbvevo
Summary: It's been about two or so weeks since the Black Mesa Incident, and Gordon is having trouble coping with the experience and the aftermath.(Un)fortunately for him, a familiar face decides to return and plans to stick around.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	1. weighed down by morning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic I've decided to upload publicly. Things may be a little rough, but I thank you for taking the time to read this anyways. Feedback is appreciated when you can provide it, would love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Not entirely sure how many chapters this will be but at the very least I plan for it to have more than four. No solid schedule for updates though. Hopefully its not that long of a wait between chapters but not too frequent either.
> 
> Inspired to write this because of gusherbug's HLVRAI fic 'Takes A Village' which is really good and I love it so much. You should read that too it is very well written and in-character, so s/o to gusherbug!!!
> 
> Additional notes at the end.

If there were ever a point in Gordon’s life where he so desperately wished to scream, it would be here and now. 

Though despite his desires, and despite how hard he tried to make a sound, it was as though the noise was caught in his throat. It was as if it were a palpable, physical substance that climbed its way up his body and strangled him from the inside.

So there he sat upright in his home. In his bed. The light that shone into his room from the bedside window was dim. His room was not completely pitch dark, but it was still very much difficult to see. If he were to hazard a guess, he would have to estimate it was sometime after midnight. 

He was sweaty in every possible area of his body that was able to sweat, and his heart hammered against his chest in such a perfect and gruesome methodicism that his observance of it only made its vicious rhythm stronger. He found himself forgetting to breathe as he focused his attention elsewhere.

How many times had he woken up like this since he had returned from Black Mesa? _Too many._ How long would it take for the nightmares to stop? _Not soon enough._

Hoping for such a thing so soon after acquiring fresh trauma was a fool’s errand, yet it didn’t keep him from indulging in wishful thinking. It wasn’t a nightly occurrence, but it was frequent enough to worry him. Frequent enough to make him want to cry. Whether he actually had or not embarrassed him to say.

Gordon didn’t even remember what the contents of the nightmare was, only the feelings that he had experienced within it, which was arguably worse. He was glad he didn’t end up screaming himself awake after all, though. He’d only done it one other time in spite of the nightmares and in doing so he had aroused Joshua from his sleep, and scared him terribly. Of course he’d be grateful that his voice had managed to catch itself before climbing out of his mouth. 

Hearing anybody scream themselves awake was terrifying. There was no way to seriously explain to Joshua what the reason was for such a commotion, not that he’d ever want to anyways. It was not a conversation a father should have with his son, and it was not something a son should have to worry about. When he had done so he had only assured Joshua in very vague terms that daddy had just gotten a little scared is all. It happens.

Except it really didn’t. But there really was no other way to dismiss the event other than that.

Gordon rubbed the drowsiness from his eyes with one hand as the other reached to the bedside table for his glasses. He put them on and blinked for a few moments, staring at the bedsheets. There was no use attempting to go back to bed, at least not now. He managed to pull himself out from underneath the covers and stand still for a moment before crossing across the room.

Gordon was far too distracted by his emotions to brace himself for the darkness of the house, which was why he had ended up walking into the wall when he had made his way into the hallway.

He was too disoriented and groggy to effectively weigh the pros and cons of making food at such an ungodly hour of the night, which was why he found himself moving to the kitchen to fulfill his urges. Eating was certainly a healthier option to distract himself than any of the alternatives that spun around in his mind every so often. He gingerly retrieved a box of some off-brand and disgustingly processed cereal from the cabinet and a jug of milk from the fridge, then placed them on the counter. He moved with such a stiff and robotic form that it seemed as though he were on autopilot.

So it was no wonder that it was difficult for Gordon to immediately catch sight of a familiar figure sitting at the kitchen table even as he made his way past it multiple times. Yet, when he did, he jumped sudden enough to cause the bowl he had just grabbed to fly from his hand. He sent a silent prayer of gratitude to whatever higher power when he had managed to catch it before it was able to end up shattering on the floor.

“Try not to break anything,” the figure said.

“What the fuck are you doing in my house?” Gordon immediately retorted in quick agitation, disregarding the previous statement. He was careful to keep his voice low so as to not wake Joshua.

“Was hungry,” it replied casually, not removing its gaze on the scientist. “The food you got is ass, bro.”

Gordon looked down at the table to see a half eaten plate of what he hoped was a sandwich, but his better judgement knew it was definitely not even a piece of food, let alone anything edible. 

Not having the mental strength to entertain the conversation any further, Gordon poured the milk and cereal into the bowl and made his way back to their respective places of origin to return them.

“Listen man,” Gordon began with a yawn. “I _know_ nothing I say or do is gonna get you out of here when I want you to. So just...don’t wake up my kid, okay?”

“Yooo, you have a kid?!”

“...Yes, Benrey.”

“That’s weird. When did that happen?!”

“Like. Four years ago.”

“Feetman makin’ babies and shit. What the hell.”

Gordon stared at Benrey dejectedly. He then turned his back to him as he started to eat, uncomfortable with the presence of whatever abomination this guy considered himself.

“Hey dude, aren’t you supposed to be like...sleeping or something?” Benrey asked.

“Aren’t you?” Gordon shot back.

“Huh?”

“Do you...Fuck, you probably don’t even _need_ to sleep.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jus-Just shut up.”

There was a passing moment of awkward silence between the two as Gordon took another bite.

“What kind of cereal is that?” Benrey asked.

“I don’t know,” Gordon replied dismissively. “Nothing worth eating.”

“Cereal’s fucking lame. I bet it’s not even Lucky Charms.”

“It’s not.”

“Wooow. My guy over here not even eating Lucky Charms.”

There was another beat of silence. Gordon stood still for a moment, something quickly dawning on him. He turned back around to face Benrey, who’s expression was one of tired bemusement.

“I just realized something,” he spoke.

“Yeah?”

“You-you’re supposed to be _dead_ , right?! We all fucking-we all killed you, dude. How the _fuck_ are you even here?!”

“I dunno,” Benrey mumbled. “Got bored.”

“Do you-...You don’t plan on trying anything...anything fucking funny, right?”

“What, like stand-up?”

“No, shut the fuck up,” Gordon spat. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Hmm,” Benrey hummed thoughtfully. “Nah. Gave up on that shit. Boring.”

“I don’t believe you. You are the _least_ trustworthy person I know.”

“Whatever.”

Gordon slid both hands down his face, pushing his glasses up in doing so, and sighed as he readjusted them.

“Can you _please_ just be gone by morning?”

“Aw, why?”

“Benrey, I just…” He paused, then picked up the not-yet-empty bowl and stepped back towards the hall. “I have a _kid_ , Benrey. Your fucked up little...whatever you want to call it-your weirdass behaviour is at least somewhat tolerable when it's me. But don’t do this shit when I’m with my kid. Please.”

Benrey said nothing in return. He stared down at the table, as if considering something for a moment. Gordon couldn’t tell if that were the case or if he had just not been paying attention and as a result had not even heard what had just been asked of him. 

Gordon inhaled heavily and walked out of the room.

“Why are you taking cereal to your room?” Benrey called after him.

“Mind your fucking business,” Gordon yelled in a whisper, heading back to his bedroom with the bowl in hand. He locked the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading chapter one! Lmk what you think, kudos are appreciated as well! Its a bit short but I think future chapters may end up longer, we'll see!
> 
> Title of the fic is a line from the song 'Problems' by Mother Mother, chapter title is a line from the song 'Birthday Suit' by Cosmo Sheldrake. I'll be titling all chapter titles with song lyrics like this.


	2. if you can't recall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Science Team calls up Gordon with an invitation.

When his alarm had managed to wake him up the next morning to drive Joshua to school, Gordon was relieved to find after a thorough reconnaissance of his own house that Benrey had no longer been there. 

Despite his relief, however, he couldn’t help but feel as though another emotion was at war with his rationality. Benrey was gone. Thank god. That meant no more stress and headaches of entertaining a conversation with him.

But how long would he be gone for? 

The nature of that fucker was as slippery and unpredictable as...something that was slippery and unpredictable. Gordon genuinely could not find anything to compare him to, which alone should be enough evidence to support the idea that he’s fucking horrifying to deal with. 

Still, he could admit that it wasn’t… _terrible_ to see him. It was freaky and inexplicable, sure, but what was the most obnoxious aspect of his presence was when he decided to seemingly just appear in Gordon’s house. _That_ was fucking awful. Gordon did not appreciate that whatsoever.

Benrey was just...so hard to place. Both physical and emotionally. 

It was hard to imagine him simply _living_ somewhere as a normal person would. Benrey was neither normal nor a person. Maybe? He was weird.

Additionally, Gordon wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about the guy either. He never thought after what had occurred in Black Mesa that he would even see him again, but now that he _had,_ he found himself...confused. There were a lot of things he felt about Benrey but none of which he was particularly fond of placing words for. It was exhausting. He didn’t want to think about it.

Gordon went on with his morning, making sure to put away the bowl of cereal he’d left on his bedside table from the night before, and making Joshua breakfast before driving him to school.

When he had gotten in the car, Gordon stared at his house through his rear-view mirror longer than he usually did. He frowned as he pulled out of the driveway.

\- - 

As he loaded groceries into his car, Gordon felt his phone ringing in his back pocket. He made sure that he hadn’t forgotten anything before getting into the front seat and picking up the call.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Mr. Freeman!” a familiar voice beamed on the other line. 

“Tommy! Hey, what’s up, man?”

“I’m with Dr. Coomer and-”

Tommy was cut off by another familiar voice, this one a hell of a lot harsher and louder than Tommy’s.

“We’re here as well!” it shouted.

“Ah, hah. Hello...Dr. Bubby, and Dr. Coomer, if you’re there too.”

“I certainly am!” Coomer replied.

“How are you guys?”

“Well we’re quite alright! Tommy here invited us over for some light-hearted quality fun with friends!”

“Wow, that sounds...fun.”

“It is indeed light-hearted quality fun with friends, Dr. Freeman!”

“Mr. Freeman,” Tommy spoke up again, ignoring Coomer. “Would you like to...come over to hang out?”

“We will be indulging in gratuitous amounts of alcohol!” Bubby shouted.

“No we will not,” Coomer corrected him. “Who would even be the designated driver, Dr. Bubby?”

“Listen, guys,” Gordon interrupted, growing somewhat exhausted by the way they talked over each other. “I appreciate the invite. I do. It’s just-...I dunno, I feel like I haven’t had vacation time, like, _ever_.”

“That is true!” Bubby stated matter-of-factly. “They must really be eager to keep the whole hell-show under wraps!”

“Thank the heavens for paid-time-off!” Coomer added.

“Right, exactly, anyways-” Gordon continued. “I...I have a kid, guys. A kid I feel like I never really get to spend time with. And now that I _do_ have time to spend, I can’t in good conscience leave him with a babysitter while I go off and fucking...I don’t know, get _drunk_ for the rest of the day.”

“Isn’t that something most parents do?” Bubby asked.

“What? I don’t...I don’t know. Does it matter?”

“Gordon is not like most parents!” Coomer interjected gleefully. “Nor is he like most _people!_

“I suppose that is true,” Bubby agreed.

“Wow, geez. Okay...Thanks guys.”

Gordon pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled deeply. Though he loved them, he wasn’t sure how he ever managed to have tangible coherent conversations with these people.

There was a moment of silence before Tommy spoke up again.

“It _has_ been over a week though, Mr. Freeman,” he said quietly. “You...should take as much time off as you want...But we really would like to see you again.”

Gordon’s face puckered up in a way that was harsher than he expected it would be. It was like he had tasted something bitter or sour. Not that anything Tommy had said could be comparative to that, but the idea of what he was implying.

No, it was less of an implication and more of an unspoken acknowledgement of what they both knew. What Gordon felt sick thinking about.

The fact was he just wasn’t ready to see them again. 

A part of him so desperately wanted to. Hell, a lot of parts of him did. Practically all of him. It hadn’t even been that long since he’d seen the Science Team last, but when you were coping with the aftershock of newly-acquired traumatic memories, you sort of lose sense of time and things seem a hell of a lot longer than they really are. It’d felt like years since everything had happened. It was nerve wracking to mull over how soon ago he’d almost died.

Gordon was scared. Of what, exactly, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t really know how to pinpoint what precisely kept him from inviting himself out socially. A vague sense of fear and anxiety gnawed at him when he thought about trying to go back to life the way it was. Yet at the same time, one could argue that perhaps attempting to raise your son on your own despite it all was an even worse idea, and to that Gordon’s response would be to groan and stress about how horrible of an adult he was. So, suffice to say, he really wasn’t in a great spot right now. Not enough to rationalize his decisions, not that he liked attempting such a thing anyways. Not enough to casually hang out with friends even if you really needed it.

Life was hard. Gordon didn’t remember it being so.

“Mr. Freeman?” 

He’d realized that he had lost himself in thought longer than he should’ve.

“Yeah,” Gordon stammered, embarrassed. “Sorry, Tommy. Didn’t mean to leave you hanging there.”

“It’s alright. But you are staying home, right?”

“Er-...Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s okay! Please...take as long as you need.”

“We can wait, Gordon!” Coomer chirped from the background. “We are very patient people.”

“Right,” Gordon affirmed. “Thanks, guys. I’ll talk to you again soon.”

Before hanging up, Gordon considered for a moment asking the team if they had seen any sign of Benrey. He meditated on the thought even after he had heard the call end from the other line.

It hadn’t crossed his mind before, but it was a question that left him slightly unnerved. Was Benrey really _back,_ or had he just thought it funny to torment Gordon specifically without making himself known to the others? Gordon didn’t see the humor in it.

He thought it better that he hadn't had the opportunity to ask about it before Tommy had hung up.

Gordon hadn’t turned on the radio as he drove back to his house, opting instead to let his mind linger. Ruminating on things that caused him pain to remember yet not being able to stop himself from it.

When he’d finally gotten home and carried the grocery bags from his car to the kitchen, he wanted more than anything to just sit on the couch and watch TV, having a getaway from being alone with his thoughts. Just a few hours of sitting around and not thinking about his problems. Would that be too much to ask for?

He shouldn't have been surprised that the answer to that question would be a resounding "yes".

Gordon crossed into the living room to see an irritatingly familiar body yet again inside his house, now on his furniture, holding what he could only assume was some video game console which Gordon certainly didn’t remember buying. Or ever owning, for that matter.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Oh, heeey,” Benrey said lazily, just barely lifting his gaze from his game. “You didn’t tell me you had The Simpsons™ for the PSP.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you so much for reading! Next chapter will be a little heavier, so be prepared for that!
> 
> Chapter title this time around is from the song 'Perfect' by Rob Cantor.


End file.
